Breaking Free from the Shadows
In this journey of self-rediscovery, I confront feelings of anger and emptiness. It's time to let go of others' expectations and reclaim the joy and clarity that comes from embracing my true self.
The Weight of Emptiness
I am angry. I feel abandoned. I feel alone. I feel like no one cares. I’ve never had such a burning sensation of worthlessness or been so unsure of how I fit into the grand scheme of things. I just don’t know where I’m supposed to go or what I’m supposed to be. Everything feels gray and uncertain.
Trapped in Stagnation
I hate the uncertainty. I hate not knowing and feeling stuck. I guess that’s it – I just feel stuck, unfilled, and lost in my own thoughts. Why do I always feel this way? Why is there never any clarity? Why can’t I just let myself go and ‘just be’ in the moment?
The Battle with Self
There’s always something holding me back, something preventing me from realizing who I really want to be. I know who that person is. I’ve known the whole time, but I’ve never allowed myself to truly understand what that person wants. I’ve always pushed that part of myself away to meet the needs of others and to be who they want me to be.
The Mirror’s Whisper
In the process, I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and whispered, "I hate myself." It’s almost an unconscious thought that rises to the surface, living in the empty space. It’s as if saying it out loud will justify how I’m feeling. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m saying it. It’s that voice on my shoulder, always reminding me that I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not resilient enough, or extroverted enough to influence anything. I feel forgotten, ignored, or pushed aside.
The Turning Point
But I have to remember that it’s me making that happen. I’m letting people get inside my head and influence how I feel about myself. I have to stop this.
Reclaiming Joy and Purpose
I have to find a way out. I have to learn how to be me – the version of me that brings joy, not the version that lives in this seething self-hate. That person I hate doesn’t actually exist.
Becoming Whole Again
It’s time to let go of others’ expectations and finally become the person I’m meant to be. To find clarity, joy, and peace, I have to rediscover the real me.