Escaping The Collective ‘We’

Falling Back Into Old Patterns

I’ve been distracted—chasing who I’m not instead of who I want to be. It’s so easy to fall back into old patterns, and no matter how disciplined I tell myself I need to be, I’m not immune to it.

The last few weeks have been a mess. I’ve been unhappy with where I’m at, and when I feel like that, I get busy applying to the same practical opportunities that thousands of other average yet intelligent people are chasing. It’s a quick fix—or at least it feels like one—but it never works. You can’t stand out in that crowd. You’re just another number, a cog in the wheel, part of some collective identity, because you couldn’t discipline yourself enough to find your own.

I know that sounds harsh—maybe even mean—but it’s exactly how I feel. Sure, you get a paycheck and a “comfortable” life, but what kind of life is it if you can’t even be yourself?

The Comfort Trap

I don’t want to be average. I’ve dreaded being average my whole life. Never fitting in with the exceptionally brilliant crowd, but knowing deep down that I’m not cut out for the cookie-cutter life either—the job, the family, the house in the suburbs.

I’ve always wanted to go against the grain, to embrace my entrepreneurial side. And it’s more than just a corporate identity with my name stamped on it. I want the creative, messy, authentic, and beautifully chaotic life that leads to something new—something the world hasn’t seen before.

Maybe it’s a book. Maybe it’s a way of thinking. Whatever it is, I want to give something to the world that matters—something that changes how people see the future, or even the present. I want to be a changemaker, someone who works on something bigger than myself. Not dragged into the boring corporate grind full of drama and meaningless arguments about things that won’t matter in five years.

Because the truth is, that world doesn’t want people like me. It’s too busy playing the same tired game—one where everyone fights for power and influence, and no one has enough room to breathe, let alone create.

When Passion Meets a Dead End

I’ve put my heart and soul into work before. I’ve given it everything—my passion, curiosity, ideas—and for what? It doesn’t recognize that kind of effort. It’s comfortable being mediocre, staying in its lane, and keeping things exactly as they are.

I even went as far as using my master’s thesis to try to reshape the organization I was working for at the time. I poured hours into research and strategy, developing ideas to help the company grow and thrive. It wasn’t just about getting a degree—it was about creating something meaningful. But no one cared.

And it wasn’t just there. Over and over, I’ve shown up to interviews with detailed plans for change, innovative ideas for the future, and genuine excitement about what could be. But they didn’t want it. They wanted someone to stay in their lane, to keep the status quo intact.

It made me feel like I didn’t belong. Like I wasn’t good enough.

Crawling Out of the Pit

That rejection did a number on me. It made me question everything—my worth, my ideas, my future. It made me believe that passion, curiosity, and hard work meant nothing.

But maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe it was about the world I was trying to fit into. A world that’s cold, political, and stuck in its ways.

Even now, I find myself crawling back to it. Thinking, This time will be different. But it never is. It’s the same pasture, just a different farm. The same drama, the same chaos, the same soul-sucking grind.

Choosing My Own Path

I’m done letting that world pull me back. I can’t keep giving it the best parts of myself only to have them crushed or ignored.

I need to make time for me. For the path I’ve always known I should be on—the one where I can write, read, and explore who I really am. Where I can show the world something real and maybe even spark a little change.

It won’t be easy. It’ll take discipline and boundaries. It’ll mean saying no to all the practical, logical distractions that try to drag me back into the mold.

Maybe it’s a midlife crisis. Maybe I just took the wrong path from the start and I’m finally waking up to it. Whatever this is, I know one thing: I’m on a new road now.

And for once, I’m staying on it. No more detours. This time, I’m doing it for me.

Breaking Free or Just Getting Stuck?

The First Breakthrough: Landing My Internship
When I landed my first internship at 23, it came after a tough year of applying for jobs, going to interviews, and facing constant rejection. So, when a marketing agency offered me a chance, it felt like I was finally breaking free from everything that had held me back—like I was finally finding my way to something bigger.

Mentorship and Meaning: Learning from Steve
I had an incredible mentor—Steve, the PR director at the time. He genuinely enjoyed helping young people like me who were struggling to break in. He saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself. And he gave me a chance when no one else would. That meant the world to me.

Caught in the Moment: Missing the Bigger Picture
I was young, naive, and ready to learn. I soaked up everything Steve taught me—writing my first press releases, sitting in on media interviews, and just listening. But in my inexperience, I missed the bigger picture. There were signs—clues—that this career path wasn’t really meant for me.

The Unseen Struggles: Steve’s Silent Discontent
Steve’s actions stayed with me, though. I didn’t understand it at the time, but now, looking back, I realize how unhappy he was with his job. He was frustrated, disillusioned, probably around the same age I am now—middle age, the time when you start questioning your life choices.

When Everything Changes: Leadership and Loss
The company had brought in new leadership and changed everything about his team. Steve had to adapt on the fly, constantly trying to keep up with someone else’s vision. But I could tell he found joy in mentoring me. I saw it in his eyes, in the way he patiently taught me. He wanted to feel that spark again.

The Inevitable Frustration: Realizing What Really Matters
It was a sense of loss—loss of the way things used to be, the people who had come and gone, the direction things were heading that he didn’t agree with. There’s always that honeymoon period when everything clicks, but it never lasts.

Understanding Steve’s Struggles: My Own Career Journey
That growing frustration can make you feel hopeless. Now that I’ve been through all of this in my own career, I finally understand how Steve felt. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t breaking free. I was stepping into a prison that would never really fulfill me.

Defining Myself: What I’ve Learned
I poured too much of myself into a career that didn’t care about me. So why did I care so much about it? I had to stop letting it define me. I had to figure out what I wanted. Some things change, but others always stay the same.